so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
