Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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