grandma shit on top of the toilet
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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