my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I got her a Nickelback box set.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
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