It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
