I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
