Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
