Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
