there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
