i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
