Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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