This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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