I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
