just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
