That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
