Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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