We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
