You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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