I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
