i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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