My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
