I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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