did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Randomize
