It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
