just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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