Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
