yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
