Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
