mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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