My underwear smells like fireworks.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
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His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
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For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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