He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I enjoy the company of your penis
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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