i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
