I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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