it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
