Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
