she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
