Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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