I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
