All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Randomize
