The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
