Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
