My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
