There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
