My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
