I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
worst night to have a conscience
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
dude. I can hear the air.
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