I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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