i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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