The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
