Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
