White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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