yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just forgot I was standing up.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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