Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
