You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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