Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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