i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
