You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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