Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
