Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
