YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
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My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
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I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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