My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
My pussy is not your playground.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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