Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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