I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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