Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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