Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
