sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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