Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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