no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
