hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
