cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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