So drunk its hurt
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Your penis caused this!
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