Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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