I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
my poor anus
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
