So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I need to calm my uterus...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
