I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
