how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
