You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
