my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
