spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
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