if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
